My heart is roiling with emotions right now. This is one of the more powerful essays I have read recently. You led us from. This history within you to today (what a powerful opening)
James thank you for taking the time to craft something so delicate and deep. I will be mulling the core idea, but also quizzing who lives within me.
Karena - thank you for stepping outside the room you occupy in me to say hello!
I'm glad this one has you mulling and quizzing yourself - much like your essays do for me. :) This essay was my hardest to write yet - I think because I was writing about my experience of Peter and Linda's experience (a harrowing one), and I wanted to ensure I depicted their experience and the facts correctly, while enabling my perspectives and voice to carry over a long period of time as you point out.
Wow, James. I’m going to second what a lot of people are saying.
At the risk of being repetitive, this piece was so powerful. Some stories, like this, really remind me how tragedy can strike like lightning without the storm cloud - and people are so tough and loving it’s unbelievable.
Thank you for sharing this with the world (: it’s a better place because of it
Tommy - loved seeing your name pop up tonight. Thank you for taking the time to share. I might write a short follow up - as it turns out a reader put me in touch with Linda and I spoke to her for 90 minutes day before yesterday. A lovely woman, fascinating back stories with many unknown/untold aspects to the experience. Again take good care and I look forward to connecting sometime soon.
“ Two people who gave Amy her life and two who took it away freed themselves from the weight of the past and came together to change lives and transform a country.” Wow, what a story, James. And you are the right person to tell it so beautifully, so generously.
Alissa, I suspect you subscribe to many Substacks and I was hoping this one wouldn't slip through the cracks of what you're able to read. You're one of my residents inside me and I often think of you as a reader when I'm writing. That sentence you chose to highlight was never part of the essay - for the three months I worked on it, until my very final read-through on Saturday - and it sort of just came up from my muse. Astonishing the example Peter and Linda set with their choices and actions. Thank YOU again for your compliment.
This story reminds me of the book Everybody Always by Bob Goff. I have read many books that have changed my life in little ways, but that book - that book changed my life in a large way - a way that impacts every day. It made me question what it means to love those that have chose to inflict pain on others, to take lives and to terrorize. This story tells the same tale. It doesn't forgive and forget. It forgives and welcomes more deeply.
This was a stunning ode to Amy and her parents. I am so happy you shared this story, it is evident that the power of their love has been carried through your words, James. Beautiful.
A wonderful essay with profound universal themes, historical detail and personal insight and emotion. The writing is beautiful and well-crafted. I’m wondering how long it took you from first draft to posting. This is a great example of quality over frequency. Congratulations, James.
Drake - GREAT seeing your name pop up and thank you for the compliment. Your question is super insightful - you know me well through our interactions. This piece took maybe 9 months. I started it last summer, thought I would finish in the last WOP, pushed it along, stopped it, restarted it, thought I had it basically completed, passed if by a few WOP folks and the feedback was that it was too long and didn't have enough of "me" in it - like I wrote the factual story and then had my insights in the last 1/3. But when I had conversations with people about it, I kept starting with the "people take up residency inside us" metaphor and several asked why I didn't use that metaphor. So I essentially used that as the way into the story, and then decided to use my questions as a way of weaving me in along the way.
It was the hardest piece I've written to date because I was writing about my experience of someone else's experience, with my insights.
You know those times, where something just flummoxes you? For a few weeks I couldn't figure out the bridge for how to depict what I thought Peter and Linda may have recognized, since I'm not them of course, but then the bridge of what I "envisioned" they might have recognized came to mind and that gave me the freedom to relate what I did.
The seeing vs. recognizing is a distinction that is mine, and the nature of how the heart impacts what we recognize was a discovery I had while writing the piece.
Isn't that one of the grand benefits of writing, to discover ways of seeing, distinctions, how we might feel about something? Peter and Linda were still giving to me as I wrote this.
One final item - sorry for the very long message back. Through writing this someone put me in touch with Linda and I had a conversation with her on the phone the day before yesterday for 90 minutes. It was really fascinating, cathartic (I was able to appreciate her for her contribution to my life), and lovely. I might write a short follow up piece on that.
OK - thank you again for letting me know the impact and for reaching out Drake.
This is such a powerful essay. So moving. Such an amazing example of a couple who gave with their hearts and their energy. And what an incredible partnership between Easy, Ntobeko, Linda, and Peter - they are living out the vision of post-apartheid South Africa. James, you did a great job of not just telling this story but showing us the power of it. I love the way you explain seeing versus recognizing. Thank you!
Again, thank you Serena. This essay took me a long time to figure out how to tell it (I wasn’t there obviously) and integrate my voice without taking away from the profound choices Peter and Linda made and kept making. I appreciate your calling out exactly what my aim was, to tell it while revealing the power in it. You know better than I do, you write it, hit publish, and hope it resonates with people. I’m glad it did with you. Thank you again and thank you for restacking. 🙏
As a 61 year old baby substacker, and lifelong human smitten with a well cooked meal of words; damn. Bravo. It’s funny how I always think of images living inside me, I forget how the word can paint such a beautiful picture and that both the word and picture form a new image that lives in me and shaped my path.
What a discovery your words and vision brings to the table!
What are we if we are not loved loving and lovable to our fellow humans; known or not… the story can ultimately unite us.
Michelle, it's nice to e-meet you. Your comment made my day. I'm not sure how you found me, but my heart is glad you did. And you have quite a way with words yourself—I loved your metaphor of a "well-cooked meal of words." That's my aspiration, touching hearts and bringing smiles to faces. I wrote an essay my path to getting married, and the patience of my wife (How the Sea of Galilee Saved My Marriage) and a morning with my daughters (Buttered Toast) that you might enjoy as well.
Again, thank you Michelle and I look forward to reading your pieces as well. ❤
James! A bounty! I will read! Huzzah! 🙌🏼 here’s to the wonderment of SubStack and its unicorn magic. I wrote my first post referencing unicorns, and I kinda feel like you are one. Cheers!
Thank you for reading and sharing Victoria. It was my hope in writing this piece that Peter and Linda could help inspire people to forgive and transform what is possible on the other side of that forgiveness. ❤️
Highly recommend you read this as I got goosebumps while reading your essay. It is a powerful true story of forgiveness and overcoming tragedy by facing the perpetrators while doing good!
Oh, Robin - thank you for your comment back. This essay took me a while to write and get "right" to portray and reflect the extraordinary in all the lives involved. As it turns out - the person who shared the picture at the end knows Linda and put me in touch with her. We had an amazing 90 minute conversation, where her impact on me continued to deepen.
Again, thank you for sharing. If my writing and stories can evoke goosebumps, well then I've achieved what I hoped.
James. I come to you via our mutual dear friend, Amba Gale. (Thanks be to you, Amba, for forwarding this link.) Thanks be to you, James, for choosing to craft this beyond beautiful piece. What a potent story of two human beings able to call upon this level of Love and forgiveness amid indescribably excruciating circumstances. As I mother, I pray I would be able to do the same. I so deeply want to believe I would. Perhaps with this "residency" now in my heart the odds would be even greater that I could.
This is how we change the world - by taking up residence in each other's hearts, until we remember there is but One.
Hi Nancy, so wonderful to meet you through this medium and via Amba. Before going on to reply to your comment, I want to say I look forward to our oneness being together at some point through one of Amba’s courses or retreats. But before that I would love to schedule a call or a zoom sometime and connect with that way.
Thank you for your heartfelt comment on this essay. If you happened to read any of the comments above it was a deep labor of love that I wrote over the course of probably a year and rewrote with the perspective of “residency” in the end. I wanted to get it just right and honor Peter and Linda in a manner that was deserved by the magnitude of their choices.
As it turns out the woman who allowed me to use the final photo knows Linda and put me in touch her. I had a ninety minute conversation with her that was deeply contributing to me and nourishing.
I am in Hawaii with my family and intend to get in touch with your book when I return.
Thank you again for taking the time to express yourself to me.
Ah, James, what a lovely reply! And, interestingly, my husband and I just returned from having spent a month on Maui! I'm still recovering from a sleepless red-eye flight home, and am doing my best to re-enter gently amidst the many time-demands that have greeted me upon return.
I would love to connect via a Zoom call. I leave again for a first annual mother/daughter/granddaughter (almost 5 years old already!!) retreat next Wednesday, so it will be a couple weeks before I can be available for a relaxed conversation. But please, yes, let's do it!
Shall I leave the ball in your court to reach out after your return/reentry?
James, I read this post when you first wrote it and couldn't get through it because it was too scary and made me too emotional. But I have been thinking about it ever since. I just came back to it and wanted to tell you how captivating and beautiful it was. It felt as if you knew Peter and Linda, and were a fly on the wall through their whole experience. I loved how it was all brought back to your reaction to everything, because your reaction was also my (the reader's) reaction. This one will stay with me.
Charlie, it's so nice to hear from you - for several reasons.
First, because it's YOU. Full stop.
Second, because I poured my heart into this piece and you never know who it will resonate with (or won't) and why. That you took the time to tell me of your experience with it and that you came back to it - we'll, I'm grateful you did and grateful it will occupy a little room inside of you.
Last, I write these pieces - that are part story, experience, allegory, and they take a lot out of me, and then I sort of rest for a few weeks, and then begin to gin up the next one. While I'm resting and ideating, I start judging myself for not publishing more frequently, and I question whether readers will care about what I have to say or if my next piece will be "good enough." I suspect that a lot of writers go through this. I'm in the muck of it right now.
So your words to me come at a great time as I'm trying to push my next piece into existence - providing wind behind my sails.
I'm extremely grateful and thankful you took the time to share. :)
PS: one thing I love about Transparent Tuesdays is that they arrive at just about the perfect time on Tuesday mornings for me - when the house is quiet and "my time is my time."
I bet they do take a lot out of you. I spent months working on my last piece "When Girls Grow Up," and because I spent so much time it, had dreams of it going viral. It was received pretty much in a similar way as most of my other posts which might only take me a couple hours to write. It deflated me for a few days.
The beauty of publishing weekly, for me, is that I can't sit in that feeling for too long. I have to write the next thing, read the next book, review the next memoir. Keep it moving. It quiets my ego, or at least distracts her.
All that is to say, I understand the muck you're in, and I do think a lot of writers experience it. Not every piece is going to be a banger, but every piece will make you a better writer. I look forward to the next one you publish, not because I expect it to be a masterpiece, but because it means you're doing the thing.
Charlie, thank you for this. So much good in here. “Every piece will make me a better writer, quieting the ego, not every piece will be a banger.”
For what it’s worth, your When Girls Grow Up was superb. Not only was the message essential, the tension intensified and then the abrupt, fitting, ending was perfect, in that it asked us readers, what the f*ck is wrong with us in so many narrow minded ways of thinking.
James, thank you for the powerful idea that we carry others and their stories with us. As I began reading, I recognized the tragic story. Amy graduated from Stanford a few years after I did. I have read and watched many articles and programs about her courage, good works, and horrible death. She inspired me to do whatever I could to make improvements in my own community. Thank you for sharing more about the incredible way her parents dealt with the worst nightmare any mom or dad can face. Thank you for delving more deeply into how their compassion transformed South Africa and the lives of those two men. Thank you for helping me create a bigger space for these souls in my own heart.
I remember hearing about this along time ago and at the time there was some of the scariest videos of the violence out there that I had ever witnessed. This essay made me also re-watch the 60 minutes episode. Quite the couple! Bravo to those men who chose to turn their lives around with their early release.
Kirk, after I published the essay, the photographer who took the picture at the end put me in touch with Linda. We had an amazing and delightful conversation this past Sunday. Will tell you about it sometime. Amazing woman as you point out.
Jeremy, Thank you - that's a huge compliment as that is the goal isn't it - to draw someone in and keep their attention the whole time. I appreciate it. - James
My. My. My.
My heart is roiling with emotions right now. This is one of the more powerful essays I have read recently. You led us from. This history within you to today (what a powerful opening)
James thank you for taking the time to craft something so delicate and deep. I will be mulling the core idea, but also quizzing who lives within me.
Karena - thank you for stepping outside the room you occupy in me to say hello!
I'm glad this one has you mulling and quizzing yourself - much like your essays do for me. :) This essay was my hardest to write yet - I think because I was writing about my experience of Peter and Linda's experience (a harrowing one), and I wanted to ensure I depicted their experience and the facts correctly, while enabling my perspectives and voice to carry over a long period of time as you point out.
I am humbled, James. And the feeling is mutual. You always make me think. Deeply.
James, please send me your email address to karena@karenadesouza.com. Thanks!
Wow, James. I’m going to second what a lot of people are saying.
At the risk of being repetitive, this piece was so powerful. Some stories, like this, really remind me how tragedy can strike like lightning without the storm cloud - and people are so tough and loving it’s unbelievable.
Thank you for sharing this with the world (: it’s a better place because of it
Tommy - loved seeing your name pop up tonight. Thank you for taking the time to share. I might write a short follow up - as it turns out a reader put me in touch with Linda and I spoke to her for 90 minutes day before yesterday. A lovely woman, fascinating back stories with many unknown/untold aspects to the experience. Again take good care and I look forward to connecting sometime soon.
That’s a crazy follow on. The power of writing online and telling good stories never ceases to amaze me. Love it James
“ Two people who gave Amy her life and two who took it away freed themselves from the weight of the past and came together to change lives and transform a country.” Wow, what a story, James. And you are the right person to tell it so beautifully, so generously.
Alissa, I suspect you subscribe to many Substacks and I was hoping this one wouldn't slip through the cracks of what you're able to read. You're one of my residents inside me and I often think of you as a reader when I'm writing. That sentence you chose to highlight was never part of the essay - for the three months I worked on it, until my very final read-through on Saturday - and it sort of just came up from my muse. Astonishing the example Peter and Linda set with their choices and actions. Thank YOU again for your compliment.
This note made my week, James. I am so deeply honored. And grateful, always always, for your writing, reading, and friendship.
This story reminds me of the book Everybody Always by Bob Goff. I have read many books that have changed my life in little ways, but that book - that book changed my life in a large way - a way that impacts every day. It made me question what it means to love those that have chose to inflict pain on others, to take lives and to terrorize. This story tells the same tale. It doesn't forgive and forget. It forgives and welcomes more deeply.
This was a stunning ode to Amy and her parents. I am so happy you shared this story, it is evident that the power of their love has been carried through your words, James. Beautiful.
A wonderful essay with profound universal themes, historical detail and personal insight and emotion. The writing is beautiful and well-crafted. I’m wondering how long it took you from first draft to posting. This is a great example of quality over frequency. Congratulations, James.
Drake - GREAT seeing your name pop up and thank you for the compliment. Your question is super insightful - you know me well through our interactions. This piece took maybe 9 months. I started it last summer, thought I would finish in the last WOP, pushed it along, stopped it, restarted it, thought I had it basically completed, passed if by a few WOP folks and the feedback was that it was too long and didn't have enough of "me" in it - like I wrote the factual story and then had my insights in the last 1/3. But when I had conversations with people about it, I kept starting with the "people take up residency inside us" metaphor and several asked why I didn't use that metaphor. So I essentially used that as the way into the story, and then decided to use my questions as a way of weaving me in along the way.
It was the hardest piece I've written to date because I was writing about my experience of someone else's experience, with my insights.
You know those times, where something just flummoxes you? For a few weeks I couldn't figure out the bridge for how to depict what I thought Peter and Linda may have recognized, since I'm not them of course, but then the bridge of what I "envisioned" they might have recognized came to mind and that gave me the freedom to relate what I did.
The seeing vs. recognizing is a distinction that is mine, and the nature of how the heart impacts what we recognize was a discovery I had while writing the piece.
Isn't that one of the grand benefits of writing, to discover ways of seeing, distinctions, how we might feel about something? Peter and Linda were still giving to me as I wrote this.
One final item - sorry for the very long message back. Through writing this someone put me in touch with Linda and I had a conversation with her on the phone the day before yesterday for 90 minutes. It was really fascinating, cathartic (I was able to appreciate her for her contribution to my life), and lovely. I might write a short follow up piece on that.
OK - thank you again for letting me know the impact and for reaching out Drake.
Take care - James
James,
This is one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read. I am privileged to read your writing, and to know you.
Thank you so much.
--Amba
I agree.
Hi Amba, Thank you so much for letting me know - You occupy a big "paid for" suite inside of me and ALWAYS will. I am who I am because you are. :)
For others reading this comment - I encourage you to check out Amba's leadership development coursework: https://galeleadership.com/
This is such a powerful essay. So moving. Such an amazing example of a couple who gave with their hearts and their energy. And what an incredible partnership between Easy, Ntobeko, Linda, and Peter - they are living out the vision of post-apartheid South Africa. James, you did a great job of not just telling this story but showing us the power of it. I love the way you explain seeing versus recognizing. Thank you!
Again, thank you Serena. This essay took me a long time to figure out how to tell it (I wasn’t there obviously) and integrate my voice without taking away from the profound choices Peter and Linda made and kept making. I appreciate your calling out exactly what my aim was, to tell it while revealing the power in it. You know better than I do, you write it, hit publish, and hope it resonates with people. I’m glad it did with you. Thank you again and thank you for restacking. 🙏
You are welcome! Definitely an easy that deserves promotion!
As a 61 year old baby substacker, and lifelong human smitten with a well cooked meal of words; damn. Bravo. It’s funny how I always think of images living inside me, I forget how the word can paint such a beautiful picture and that both the word and picture form a new image that lives in me and shaped my path.
What a discovery your words and vision brings to the table!
What are we if we are not loved loving and lovable to our fellow humans; known or not… the story can ultimately unite us.
Michelle, it's nice to e-meet you. Your comment made my day. I'm not sure how you found me, but my heart is glad you did. And you have quite a way with words yourself—I loved your metaphor of a "well-cooked meal of words." That's my aspiration, touching hearts and bringing smiles to faces. I wrote an essay my path to getting married, and the patience of my wife (How the Sea of Galilee Saved My Marriage) and a morning with my daughters (Buttered Toast) that you might enjoy as well.
Again, thank you Michelle and I look forward to reading your pieces as well. ❤
James! A bounty! I will read! Huzzah! 🙌🏼 here’s to the wonderment of SubStack and its unicorn magic. I wrote my first post referencing unicorns, and I kinda feel like you are one. Cheers!
I think of that when I drove out of Jo'berg, seeing all those white crosses up on that hill!!
Some people are bron warriors of the light.
It is a honor to be around them!
They often go early, they have fullfilled their mission.
Thank you for writing!! 🙌
Thank you for taking the time to comment. What you say about born warriors is so true and it is indeed an honor to be in their presence. 🙏
🙏
No words are needed; you've said everything here. Sharing, to pass on the power and the legacy.
Thank you for reading and sharing Victoria. It was my hope in writing this piece that Peter and Linda could help inspire people to forgive and transform what is possible on the other side of that forgiveness. ❤️
You've created a powerful prayer of forgiveness for others to hear, and Peter and Linda are an inspiration.
Highly recommend you read this as I got goosebumps while reading your essay. It is a powerful true story of forgiveness and overcoming tragedy by facing the perpetrators while doing good!
Oh, Robin - thank you for your comment back. This essay took me a while to write and get "right" to portray and reflect the extraordinary in all the lives involved. As it turns out - the person who shared the picture at the end knows Linda and put me in touch with her. We had an amazing 90 minute conversation, where her impact on me continued to deepen.
Again, thank you for sharing. If my writing and stories can evoke goosebumps, well then I've achieved what I hoped.
James. I come to you via our mutual dear friend, Amba Gale. (Thanks be to you, Amba, for forwarding this link.) Thanks be to you, James, for choosing to craft this beyond beautiful piece. What a potent story of two human beings able to call upon this level of Love and forgiveness amid indescribably excruciating circumstances. As I mother, I pray I would be able to do the same. I so deeply want to believe I would. Perhaps with this "residency" now in my heart the odds would be even greater that I could.
This is how we change the world - by taking up residence in each other's hearts, until we remember there is but One.
What a labor of Love, this writing.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Hi Nancy, so wonderful to meet you through this medium and via Amba. Before going on to reply to your comment, I want to say I look forward to our oneness being together at some point through one of Amba’s courses or retreats. But before that I would love to schedule a call or a zoom sometime and connect with that way.
Thank you for your heartfelt comment on this essay. If you happened to read any of the comments above it was a deep labor of love that I wrote over the course of probably a year and rewrote with the perspective of “residency” in the end. I wanted to get it just right and honor Peter and Linda in a manner that was deserved by the magnitude of their choices.
As it turns out the woman who allowed me to use the final photo knows Linda and put me in touch her. I had a ninety minute conversation with her that was deeply contributing to me and nourishing.
I am in Hawaii with my family and intend to get in touch with your book when I return.
Thank you again for taking the time to express yourself to me.
Ah, James, what a lovely reply! And, interestingly, my husband and I just returned from having spent a month on Maui! I'm still recovering from a sleepless red-eye flight home, and am doing my best to re-enter gently amidst the many time-demands that have greeted me upon return.
I would love to connect via a Zoom call. I leave again for a first annual mother/daughter/granddaughter (almost 5 years old already!!) retreat next Wednesday, so it will be a couple weeks before I can be available for a relaxed conversation. But please, yes, let's do it!
Shall I leave the ball in your court to reach out after your return/reentry?
James, I read this post when you first wrote it and couldn't get through it because it was too scary and made me too emotional. But I have been thinking about it ever since. I just came back to it and wanted to tell you how captivating and beautiful it was. It felt as if you knew Peter and Linda, and were a fly on the wall through their whole experience. I loved how it was all brought back to your reaction to everything, because your reaction was also my (the reader's) reaction. This one will stay with me.
Charlie, it's so nice to hear from you - for several reasons.
First, because it's YOU. Full stop.
Second, because I poured my heart into this piece and you never know who it will resonate with (or won't) and why. That you took the time to tell me of your experience with it and that you came back to it - we'll, I'm grateful you did and grateful it will occupy a little room inside of you.
Last, I write these pieces - that are part story, experience, allegory, and they take a lot out of me, and then I sort of rest for a few weeks, and then begin to gin up the next one. While I'm resting and ideating, I start judging myself for not publishing more frequently, and I question whether readers will care about what I have to say or if my next piece will be "good enough." I suspect that a lot of writers go through this. I'm in the muck of it right now.
So your words to me come at a great time as I'm trying to push my next piece into existence - providing wind behind my sails.
I'm extremely grateful and thankful you took the time to share. :)
PS: one thing I love about Transparent Tuesdays is that they arrive at just about the perfect time on Tuesday mornings for me - when the house is quiet and "my time is my time."
I bet they do take a lot out of you. I spent months working on my last piece "When Girls Grow Up," and because I spent so much time it, had dreams of it going viral. It was received pretty much in a similar way as most of my other posts which might only take me a couple hours to write. It deflated me for a few days.
The beauty of publishing weekly, for me, is that I can't sit in that feeling for too long. I have to write the next thing, read the next book, review the next memoir. Keep it moving. It quiets my ego, or at least distracts her.
All that is to say, I understand the muck you're in, and I do think a lot of writers experience it. Not every piece is going to be a banger, but every piece will make you a better writer. I look forward to the next one you publish, not because I expect it to be a masterpiece, but because it means you're doing the thing.
Charlie, thank you for this. So much good in here. “Every piece will make me a better writer, quieting the ego, not every piece will be a banger.”
For what it’s worth, your When Girls Grow Up was superb. Not only was the message essential, the tension intensified and then the abrupt, fitting, ending was perfect, in that it asked us readers, what the f*ck is wrong with us in so many narrow minded ways of thinking.
Thank you again.
Thank you, James! I agonized over the ending for a long time so I'm especially glad you liked it!
James, thank you for the powerful idea that we carry others and their stories with us. As I began reading, I recognized the tragic story. Amy graduated from Stanford a few years after I did. I have read and watched many articles and programs about her courage, good works, and horrible death. She inspired me to do whatever I could to make improvements in my own community. Thank you for sharing more about the incredible way her parents dealt with the worst nightmare any mom or dad can face. Thank you for delving more deeply into how their compassion transformed South Africa and the lives of those two men. Thank you for helping me create a bigger space for these souls in my own heart.
I loved this: "Thank you for helping me create a bigger space for these souls in my own heart." You're so welcome :)
I remember hearing about this along time ago and at the time there was some of the scariest videos of the violence out there that I had ever witnessed. This essay made me also re-watch the 60 minutes episode. Quite the couple! Bravo to those men who chose to turn their lives around with their early release.
Kirk, after I published the essay, the photographer who took the picture at the end put me in touch with Linda. We had an amazing and delightful conversation this past Sunday. Will tell you about it sometime. Amazing woman as you point out.
Thank you for writing this James. The title is wonderful, and the essay hooked me from the start and never let me go.
Jeremy, Thank you - that's a huge compliment as that is the goal isn't it - to draw someone in and keep their attention the whole time. I appreciate it. - James